the new term for farting is butt boxing.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
