I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
