Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
