last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
