So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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