i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
