and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
