Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
