No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
