If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
We had to coat check the pizza.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
