Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
