I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
