U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
