I'm jealous of your bromance
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
