Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
