just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
