I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
