she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
