It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
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