hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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