The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
