Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
