Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
