I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I just found a bag of teeth...
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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