Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
