people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
