LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
