I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
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