im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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