put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
