Did you just see the Batmobile???
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
