I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
