What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
