Just fell off a train. Bad.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
