On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
