your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
