so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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