Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
