Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
