apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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