New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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