Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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