watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
