I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
