me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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