all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
