sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
