DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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