Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
