i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
