whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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